How 18 Rated Movies Could Be Made More Family Friendly

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How 18 Rated Movies Could Be Made More Family Friendly

Post  Medalgod on Tue Jul 14, 2009 4:39 pm

Stolen from an article on denofgeek.com, after Bruno is taking a trim for young vievers in the UK we take a look at what other movies could have done to be more family friendly Razz

The news that Universal is to release a shorter cut of Bruno in the UK to earn the film a friendlier certificate has got us thinking - just what other R and 18 rating movies are missing a trick by not cutting a few bits and bobs here and there to secure a more commercially-friendly certificate? Here are a few where those concerned will no doubt be slapping their heads this morning that they missed something so patently obvious...

The Terminator
The guns have got to go, to be replaced by water pistols. This will nullify the threat of the Terminator itself, of course, but will do wonders for the sale of tie-in merchandise. Furthermore, a new scene is being inserted, where Sarah Connor and The Terminator sit down and have a damn good chat. They end on a song, obviously.

The Silence Of The Lambs
The PG version of the film sees Hannibal Lector going vegetarian, and Buffalo Bill just getting his clothes out of the catalogue. Simple.

Goodfellas
The word ‘fuck' must be replaced by ‘fluffy bunny'. To whit: "You know Spider, you're a fluffy bunny mumbling stuttering little fluffy bunny", or "you dizzy fluffy bunny, you". You can't say it doesn't work.

The Hangover
The guys decide to opt for a quiet night in with some Diet Pepsi, a take-away pizza and a DVD of You've Got Mail. The tiger stays though, natch. They know exactly what they did the night before, know where everything is, and the only reason they've got a baby now is because they offered to babysit so its mother could go out on the lash and spend the night at a stranger's house. That footage will only be available on the unrated DVD, of course. Can't go corrupting the little 'uns, after all...

Role Models
Cut the cussing 12-year old kid. Replace him with the one out of Jerry Maguire. You've lost your R-rating right there.

There's Something About Mary
It actually is hair gel, silly...

American Pie
The four guys take a vow of chastity right at the start of the film, and spend the rest of the movie listening to Jonas Brothers records, and having a frankly brilliant time.

Seven
What's in the box at the end? It's a game of Jenga!

Showgirls
Appreciating it's a bit chilly, the ladies of Showgirls do the only sensible thing, and go and invest in some warm coats, that they proceed to wear for the entirety of the movie. They'll be grateful for them in the long run.

Jackass
The drafting in of a health and safety team to undertake appropriate risk assessments not only gives the film a friendlier certificate, but also means that insurance costs are lower too. Somewhere in some movie studio boardroom, there's a man thumping the table shouting "Win, win!". Before going home to watch some age-appropriate hardcore pornography. Because they're allowed.

8 Mile
Eminem goes, Miley Cyrus comes in...

Die Hard
Cut back on the blood, and make sure at all costs that Bruce Willis doesn't say his trademark line unless it's covered up by a gunshot. Oh, hang on....

Finally... my own suggestion:

Debbie does Dallas
Everyone keeps their clothes on and Debbie visits Dallas for a high time of shopping and eating out in fancy restaurants.

Anyone got any amusing suggestions to post? :p

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Re: How 18 Rated Movies Could Be Made More Family Friendly

Post  Sir God on Tue Jul 14, 2009 4:50 pm

The Terminator
The guns have got to go, to be replaced by water pistols. This will nullify the threat of the Terminator itself, of course, but will do wonders for the sale of tie-in merchandise. Furthermore, a new scene is being inserted, where Sarah Connor and The Terminator sit down and have a damn good chat. They end on a song, obviously.

Goodfellas
The word ‘fuck' must be replaced by ‘fluffy bunny'. To whit: "You know Spider, you're a fluffy bunny mumbling stuttering little fluffy bunny", or "you dizzy fluffy bunny, you". You can't say it doesn't work.

Seven
What's in the box at the end? It's a game of Jenga!


Win.

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Re: How 18 Rated Movies Could Be Made More Family Friendly

Post  Medalgod on Tue Jul 14, 2009 4:53 pm

Lol, i though silence of the lambs was the best... but those three were defo up there as some of the best :p

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Re: How 18 Rated Movies Could Be Made More Family Friendly

Post  Sir God on Tue Jul 14, 2009 5:03 pm

Medalgod wrote:Lol, i though silence of the lambs was the best... but those three were defo up there as some of the best :p

Lol - especially if you've seen Se7en. I won't ruin it for you if you haven't. Razz

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Re: How 18 Rated Movies Could Be Made More Family Friendly

Post  Medalgod on Tue Jul 14, 2009 5:09 pm

Never seen it.
Worth watching?

Might add it to the list of things to watch Smile

watched fast & furious this morning (the new one) ws pretty good

+ a dvdSCR of new terminator released 2 day so got some filmzz to be wtchin :p

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Re: How 18 Rated Movies Could Be Made More Family Friendly

Post  Sir God on Tue Jul 14, 2009 5:12 pm

Medalgod wrote:Never seen it.
Worth watching?

Might add it to the list of things to watch Smile

watched fast & furious this morning (the new one) ws pretty good

+ a dvdSCR of new terminator released 2 day so got some filmzz to be wtchin :p

Se7en is definately worth the watch but you've gotta pay attention. Tell me if Terminator is any good too, was considering going to see at some point soon.

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